


Brains, Beauty, Brawn

by eosrealis (Aurorealis)



Series: Gravity Falls: "A grunkle in every bite, or your money back!!" mini-prompts and one-shots. [6]
Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Gen, Mystery Trio, Post-Canon, Sibling Rivalry, Squabbling, references to Survivor (TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-07
Updated: 2016-03-07
Packaged: 2018-05-25 08:22:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6187258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aurorealis/pseuds/eosrealis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Three old men argue over reality television</p>
            </blockquote>





	Brains, Beauty, Brawn

**Author's Note:**

> tumblr: http://eosrealis.tumblr.com/post/140605486394/brains-brawn-beauty
> 
> complicit both with completely canon past, and a mystery trio AU past.

“I can’t believe you two have dragged me into this mindless nonsense.” Ford whined, dragging a palm across his forehead in exasperation. Still, as the episode began, his eyes attentively snapped to the television.

 

“Can it, sixer. You’re just as into it as fiddlesticks over here.” Stan didn’t even bother rolling his eyes, but the emotion was clearly there.

 

“And isn’t that ridiculous? As an intellectual, you should be above this, Fiddleford.”

 

Instead of supporting his argument, Fiddleford snorted loudly. “Stanford, it’s just a reality show. You liked the last one we watched well enough, so stop pretending you’re above it and shut up.”

 

Ford scowled and opened his mouth, only to be shushed again by his two companions. Fine, he thought uncharitably, let their brains go numb.

 

For all of Ford’s posturing though, he couldn’t help but be drawn into the conversation about it. “Obviously, the other two camps have set themselves up for failure. This is a game about politics, isn’t it? How could the brains camp not win?”

 

Stan raised a single brow. “Yeah, but the name ‘Survivor’ is right there. Have you seen those challenges? They’re all about brawn. And if you think beauty isn’t involved in politics, you’re nuts.”

 

“You know, you both have apoint.” Fiddleford tapped a finger to his chin. “All three have their strong points, all three virtues, you could say, are beneficial to the game. Of course, each camp will probably be emphasizing their particular trait to the exclusion of others, which might lead to trouble.”

 

“Yeah, trouble for the brain camp. They all think they’re the master manipulator in the camp, I give it one lost challenge before all alliances just fall apart.” Stan grinned, an obvious challenge in his eyes.

 

Well, Ford thought, bristling. “Just because they pride themselves on intellect doesn’t make them totally ignorant of other game factors, nor does it make them blind to the machinations of their peers.”

 

“Doesn’t it though?”

 

Ford straightened. “Hey, I’ll have you know-”

 

“Now, listen here!” Fiddleford interrupted, waving a hand. “You all don’t need to get into a sibling squabble over a dumb show. Honestly, you’re 60, not 6.”

 

“Well, more like sixty-” Stan cut himself off, realizing that he was making the jibe worse. “Hey, I resent that!”

 

“I call it like I see it.” Fiddleford turned his large nose up at them. Ford immediately thought to reject in turn, but realized sheepishly- Fiddleford had a point, didn’t he?

 

“Yeah, well, maybe it’s a good thing.” Stan stuck his tongue out childishly. “You know what this means, right?”

 

“No.” Ford deadpanned.

 

“What does it mean Stanley?” Fiddleford quirked his lips in amusement, despite the polite tone of his voice.

 

“There’s three of us, and there’s three camps. We each gotta pick one to root for, whatever team the last survivor was originally from wins.”

 

“Now, why would we need to compete in something like that?” Fiddleford scoffed, only to be blindsided by Ford’s sudden interest.

 

“What terms? Is there a concession for second place? A bonus if first and second place are the same team?” Ford pulled a notebook from his jacket, flipping to an empty page.”

 

“I don’t think this is a good-”

 

“I’m sure we can make a few bets.”

 

“Fellas, I think your rivalries are acting up-”

 

“That’s no good, Fiddleford is too rich, any bet we could afford to make would be meaningless. Also, I only have scientific curiosities to my name, and all of your money is tied up in the shack that you don’t even own anymore.”

 

“Well, I didn’t say the bets had to be monetary…”

 

“I’m listening.” The atmosphere changed as Ford and Fiddleford spoke in sudden unison.

 

“Now, that’s more like it!” Stan laughed.

 

“Come on, what are the terms?” Ford crossed his arms.

 

“Yea, you got me into this spittin’ contest now, so what’s on the table?”

 

Stan gave them both a cheeky grin. “We can work that out later. First, we hafta pick our teams.”

 

“Brains!”

 

“Brains!”

 

Ford and Fiddleford stared at each other. “I said it first,” Fiddleford defended.

 

“Come on, I’m the one that defended them first.”

 

Fiddleford rolled his eyes. “That was before we were picking, it doesn’t count.”

 

“It does too! You’re the one who said that all the teams had their strong points. Go be beauty or something.”

 

“I can’t be beauty, I’m an old coot!” Fiddleford pulled at his beard for emphasis. “Also, I build robot designs for a living.” He added.

 

“I have twelve PHD’s! Also, we’re all old coots, so that statement it meaningless.”

 

“Hah, here’s a solution for you nerds.” Stan held up a paper, with the word 'BRAINS’ scrawled across it. “This is your membership card. Since I’m the unbiased, non nerdy one, whoever can give me the best argument wins.”

 

Both genii pouted. Ford recovered first, launching into lecture. “I have spent more time being professionally educated, I am recognized for chasing scientific anomaly across countless dimensions, and finally, I’ve actually served a short sentence in teaching, even if it was only at my Alma Mater.”

 

“Yeah, well, I’ve invented more thingamajigs, oh, and, I made my personal computer briefcase! The first of it’s time! And I designed that fancy boat o’ yours, didn’t I?”

 

Both scientists turned to Stan expectantly. He shrugged, and scratched his neck. “Well, you both make good arguments. But, as much as it hurts, I have to give this one to poindexter.”

 

“Ah, yes,” Ford pushed his glasses up and neatly snagged the paper. “Good to see you can keep an objective eye, Stanley.”

 

“Yeah, yeah, don’t go spreadin’ it around.”

 

“Oh, fine.” Fiddleford sighed. “I can tell when I’m beaten. Make me a beauty sign, will you?”

 

Stan’s smile widened. “Oh, sorry, I’ve already claimed that one.” He waved his 'BEAUTY’ paper proudly, before pointing at the coffee table. “You get to be brawn.”

 

“What.” Fiddleford wrinkled his nose.

 

“Stanley, you can’t be serious. Why in the world would you be beauty over brawn? You’ve always prided yourself on strength.”

 

Stan rolled his eyes. “Maybe when we were ten. Honestly, I’ve always flaunted my charms. Just because you don’t notice doesn’t mean no one else does.”

 

Ford’s brows furrowed. “You’ve always done most of the heavy lifting.”

 

“Besides, I can’t be brawn,” Fiddleford cut in. “You always tease me for being a toothpick.”

 

“Well, you are a toothpick.” Stan agreed, “But pound for pound? You’ve always been stronger. Or did you forget that one time I busted my leg and you managed to carry me a mile across the shoreline?”

 

“That was almost thirty years ago!”

 

“And what’s changed? Or did that Gobblewonker machine you assembled out of solid scrap metal entirely by yourself not count?”

 

“Gobble-what?” Ford’s voice only turned more confused.

 

“Oh, that story’s for another time, Stanford. Stanley, stop being contrary.”

 

Stan’s grin changed subtly, showing another emotion entirely as he crossed his arms and raised his eyebrows in challenge. “What, you think I can’t be charming? I got absolutely no chance for passing in beauty?”

 

Fiddleford froze at the new tone, before suddenly flushing. “Now wait just a darn minute- I never said that!”

 

“Good! So you agree!”

 

There was a long pause. “Alright, fine, you win. I’ll be brawn.”

 

Ford sighed. “Well, now that that’s all worked out…”

 

“Oh yes, now what are the stakes?”

 

All three men smiled identical mischief filled smiles. The game was on.


End file.
